It's Time....

Something’s been bothering me lately.
Well….it’s something that someone said. Someone being my mother. I love my mother, I do. I think she is an incredibly strong and organized woman. I would like to be like her.
But, not in one aspect. Body Image.
My mom, and subsequently I, come from a family of stocky, barrel chested German Native Americans. Seriously, no one in my Mom’s family is taller than 5’7” (her four brothers included) and they hall have some serious mass.
So, needless to say, my mom has always been bigger than what society deems ideal. As a runner in her early 30’s she wore a size 14/16. And she was super healthy and fit.
After she had kids, she gained weight and was overweight and fat all through my childhood. (I’ve written this all before by the way, just can’t get rid of those Mommy issues).
Anyway, I’ll cut to the point, after being on various diets throughout my childhood, after my brother and I left home she joined a gym, and after a year of working out, hired a personal trainer. I’m not sure what her diet plan was, although she has a definte tendency to try whatever someone tells her is the next great thing, lately it’s raw food and food combining.
Anyway, I am also built like my mom’s family, only with my Dad’s families height and legs. At 5’7” I tower over my Aunts and am on eye level with my mom’s brothers. On the other side of the family, my Aunt has an inch on me, and my uncles vary from 6-12 inches taller. I am thankful everyday that I don’t have the bandy chicken legs of my mom’s family. Instead I have, what I call Tree Trunks. My legs are serious from the thighs down. I like them, they are muscular and shapely.

Ok, back to the point. The thing that is bothering me.
My parents are coming to visit us this weekend. My dad had passed through our area a few weeks ago, and after he returned home, my mom emailed me. She said that my Dad told her that I looked really good and he thought I had lost weight. She signed off her email with “looking forward to seeing less of you.”
Oomph. Ugh.

I know that my mom is happy to see me no matter what, and that she loves me no matter what, but I hate that. It doesn’t stop me from thinking “what if I had gained 60 pounds? Would you be looking forward to seeing more of me?” Don’t you want to see the most of me that you can? I realize that it’s an expression and that she doesn’t mean she wants to see me less. Is this something that people say to each other in weight watchers? Where does she even come up with this stuff? This is actually the second time that she’s signed an email like that (in fairness, after I had emailed her about stepping up my work outs). But it bothered me then, and it bothers me now. I’ve come a long way from where I once was with being able to stick up to people and tout my HAES values, but something about me regresses when my mother is in the picture. I need to be an adult and tell her. Time to grow up.

and the winner is...

Well, the wellness competition we’ve been having at work is over. Sadly, I didn’t win any of the categories (most muscle gained, most fat lost, highest combined fat lost and muscle gained), but I still did pretty well for the effort I put in.

Here are my stats:
Pounds Lost: 6
Inches lost: 2.5 on chest
3.5 on waist
2.5 on hips.

% of body fat lost: 2%

That brings my body fat to…..
Hooray! I’m glad that I’ve been making progress on my fitness and health levels again. I set a goal with my husband to lose 24 pounds in 2009. I don’t know if I’ll reach that, but I know that the small changes I have been making…are adding up!
Have a great weekend everyone!

like a record...

I wrote this post on Tuesday, and finally have the time to post it!!!

Things are still crazy busy here on the western front, but I wanted to do a quick post…..

This past weekend was my birthday. My Husband and I went out to this great little locally owned fondue restaurant. I think fondue is officially my new favorite food. Hello….I get to eat carbs dipped in melted cheese? Heaven!

Unfortunately my husband came down with bronchitis earlier in the week, so he was a trooper through my birthday dinner, but the rest of the weekend he was curled up on the couch.

Last night I arrived home to find him making me dinner. He had a glass of red wine ready and told me to “take my wine, and go relax.” And he made a healthy dinner!
He made, Baked sweet potato fries (and bless his heart, he bought an actual sweet potato, instead of a yam….which we all call sweet potatoes!), fresh fruit salad (from the store with raspberries, kiwi, black berries, and blue berries. Delish), spinach salad, and lemon pepper chicken breasts.

I was seriously touched. The last time he called to tell me he wanted to make dinner I came home to bratwursts, Doritos and bloody Mary’s. Which is a deliciously sinful meal in it’s own right. I thought he was so sweet to a) make me dinner as a surprise and b) make a healthy dinner full of things I love.

We’ve been taking our dog to dog training, and the first two weeks of class you aren’t supposed to take your dog on a normal walk. Taking them on walks before they have been properly trained to heel and be obedient, un-does all of the work for dog training. This has been throwing off my morning routine, as I had gotten into a pretty solid routine of walking the dog and doing jogging intervals on MWF and then getting up earlier to walk the dog and shred or strength train on Tuesday and Thursdays.
Routine is key for me to continue to work out, the minute I get out of routine I have habit of careening of the healthy path into the great beyond.
I also start to feel it. I’ve still been going exercises with the dog, practicing the dog training is hard work! But I’ve let my strength training slip a little bit. I only did one day last week, and by yesterday I was just feeling a little soft(er) than usual.
This morning I decided I didn’t feel like jumping around in the shred, so after our dog training practice as a warm-up I did levels 2 and 3 of Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga
I had done level two before, but not level three.
Loved it! I loved that level three-used Yoga foundational poses and added weights.
Do you like the picture I drew? That is me in warrior two, doing bicep curls. There is my TV in the background. The stick figure with the bulging biceps is Alli Vincent. Holy crap I want my arms to look like that womans.
I can see how, if you did all three levels of this tape in one sitting you would be SORE! My shoulders are sore from just the second two levels. I’d like my Saturday mornings to include all three levels…..

Well…that’s all folks. See you next time I have a minute! Take care!

WOOHOOOO

When I started going to Gold’s Gym in August of 2007, I got told that I got “one free fitness assessment” with a personal trainer. I wasn’t too interested in that, so I never scheduled my assessment. Well, about a month and half in my working out (and losing weight/ getting healthy ) life style change, I got cornered on morning on the stairs by a new trainer. She said Hi, and introduced herself and asked if I had had my free fitness assessment yet. Damn. Busted. I’m a terrible liar, and I don’t like being rude, so I told her no. Of course she persuaded me to schedule one with her. I did. And it wasn’t bad. She took my picture, and weighed me and did my body composition.
At that time, my body fat percentage was 41%. That was a harsh reality for me. I have always prided my self on being extremely muscular and strong. It was a wake up call, and the start of a 3 month process of me dodging that particular trainers sales pitch to “make an investment in my health.”

Eventually that trainer left Golds, but that is neither here nor there. The point is…..
I have a different body fat percentage now.

Wanna know what it is?
We had our body compositions done for our Wellness Challenge at work (since the Challenge is to lose body fat and gain lean muscle). When this number got delivered to my inbox yesterday, I didn’t believe. I sort of still don’t. I suppose I have lost 20-25 pound since I first started working out, and I know I’m pretty muscular, but I wasn’t honestly not prepared for the number to be that low. I was assuming and hoping that it would be lower than 41%, but I was totally shocked.
I even emailed the trainer and told her I was in shock and was she sure that was my number. Well..she hasn’t gotten back to me, so hopefully that really is my number and I don’t have to eat crow after blogging about this!

I am so proud of my self. Seriously.

Tomorrow Is Just Another Day....right?

So, I’ve started my post on New Year’s resolutions at least 4 times. I know that I posted about it two weeks ago, and I said that I had 3 resolutions. 1. To be more of a “locavore.” 2. to read 3 books per month, 1 of them being non fiction. 3. To make mini resolutions each month, to attain small goals.

Well..this week I got to reading a few other blogs (like usual) and people were posting about their resolutions/goals. I wanted goals too! I started typing and ended up with a page of goals. Granted, it was that long because I created steps to obtain each goal as well. But, a whole page? Seriously. See, here is the thing...I’m not a goal setter. I’m not. I was never type A enough to write them down and think about how I would get there, and I was just to laid back to worry about things, when I was busy going with the flow of life.
But..I feel like things are starting to change a little bit. I’ve been doing strange things like…organizing my closet, by color and type of clothing! And creating separate drawers for my socks and underwear, instead of just throwing anything and everything in the two drawers I use for those things. I haven’t gone so far as to fold, roll or pair my socks and underwear though..that would just be too much. J
I want to be organized. I want to save money. I want to run a mile. I do! But, somehow I feel like if I put them in New Years resolutions, it negates their power some how.

Who knew I was so messed up in the head about New Years Resolutions?

So, I’m going to amend my original resolutions, and just add…a few.

4. Save 6% of my take home pay each month
Create a budget tracking system for my personal checking account.
Some other financial stuff that I am not going to post about. J
Lose weight.

Yes, I said lose weight. How typical does that make me?

I’m listing it as “lose weight” but what I really mean is, get back to where I was a year ago with healthy eating and exercise. When my weight loss stopped and I started maintaining, I let me healthy habits slide. An example, instead of having 2 pieces of pizza and a salad on pizza night, I was skipping the salad and having 4 pieces of pizza. I don’t intend on quitting pizza, or dessert or wine. But I need to get back to eating healthier.
This is really hard for me, as a Health At Every Size advocate and believer, to admit that I WANT to lose weight. It isn’t because I think I’m disgusting, or ugly, or anything negative. It’s because, I committed a year and half ago (not a new years resolution) to get healthy, and I’ve sort of fallen off the wagon. Some lasting and excellent changes have been made in my diet and exercise, but I’ve been blurring the edges too much.
I know my body, and I know that if I pursue the healthy habits that I want to, I’m going to lose some more weight. So...number 7 is Stay The Course, Get Healthy.

I hope that everyone has a happy and safe New Years Eve.
See you all next year! Oh man, I love being cheesy like that!

Biggest Loser

ok, first how hot are Bob and Jillian...seriously.

Did anyone else catch last night’s finale? I was so happy that Michelle won! She looked so gorgeous and fit. I love that she didn’t look scary skinny.
So, I have a love hate love affair with the Biggest Loser. And it is all about me and my perception of my own body and abilities and health.
My love-hate-love affair goes a little something like this with each season.
Beginning of the season. Love the show. Love seeing all the new contestants, and learning their stories, and thinking about how much better off I am then they are. Feel a little twinge of annoyance when most of the women weigh less than I do, and have unhealthier lifestyles (According to the editing), but mostly love. Oh, and think about how I would kick everyone’s ass at the first workout.
Middle of the season. Hate contestants that are exhibiting signs of “gameplay.” Get over it a little bit when I realize they are probably just hungry (just kidding, mostly). Hate the fact that now even the women who weighed more than I did at the start of the show now weigh less. Think about how I probably should be trying to lose weight.
End of the season: Love that there only a few people left and I can start rooting for a favorite. Love the makeover show. Love the finale and how great everyone looks, and LOVE IT WHEN A WOMAN WINS!

So…that is kind of how it goes. I recognize that the Biggest Loser is not real life, and that of course these people are successfully losing weight because all they do all day long is focus on that goal. They suspend their reality to lose what, I personally consider, an unhealthily large amount of weight in a short time. But I can’t help but think, what about me. What if I did that show…would I walk out in the finale looking amazing and wearing a dress that is smoking hot and 8 sizes smaller than I wore before? Last night my husband I watched the end of the finale together and we talked about some goals for getting healthy and yes, losing weight.

I kind of want to send in an audition tape.
I think it would go like this: Hi my name is Allison and I eat 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies a day. I don’t eat fast food or drink soda. I do eat dessert but in moderation. I know how many calories are in beer, donuts and pizza. I walk my dog 1.5 miles everyday and workout on my lunch break 3-4 times a week. I’ve conquered my food demons and personal demons that led to an eating disorder. I still weigh 240 pounds. I bet you I can’t weigh 150.

Do you think Jillian would take that bet? I feel like it might appeal to her competitive side.

I can picture it now….Cut to Biggest loser campus, first last chance work out—
Me: crying in pain
Jillian: you still want to make bets? Do you? Unless you quit right now, you will weigh 150. Do you want to be quit? Do you want to be a quitter. Only losers quit.

Ok…so maybe I won’t send in that tape.

Just one of those things.....

I am kind of having one of those weeks where I feel unhappy fat. Like, life would just be great if I could wear a size 16, or run 3 miles or whatever. I don’t think this all the time, but I go through my bouts.

In February I will have maintained my weight loss for a year. Give or take the normal 3-5 pound fluctuation throughout the month. I am proud of myself. That is a major accomplishment, and to be honest I’ve changed a lot of things about my life style, and I should be proud of them.
Eating a healthy breakfast everyday.-I make conscious choices about what I eat for breakfast, how much protein it has, and how many calories (As in enough). I also aim for a whole grain, healthy fat and protein…and always a fruit. Sometimes a veggie, but mostly a fruit.
Eating 5-7 servings of fruit and veggies a day. This is one of the biggest changes I have made and stuck with. I don’t always make it to 7, and some days I don’t make it to 5, but two years ago, there would be days, DAYS, that I would go without eating fresh produce. I can’t fathom that now.
Eating “real” food. I still enjoy the convenience of certain packaged foods. Some of them aren’t real, like bbq sauce for example,…but I’ve really changed in that aspect, I try to make things from scratch as often as possible.
Not eating at night. It was the months of December-May of 2007 that I really gained the weight I’ve lost. My husband and I had just gotten married, I was incredibly happy, and we lived next door to a convenience store. Scott worked nights, and would often stop by the 24 hour store to grab something for a 2am snack. He would come home and I would wake up and eat. I would also eat at 10pm, when I was bored and lonely with out him. Now I only eat at night if I am hungry, but I do usually allow my self one evening treat, a small dessert, a beer, or a glass of wine.
Being “food prepared.” I pack the food I am going to need and want to consume at work the night before. I always pack my lunch (sometimes my breakfast) and 2 snacks. Always..that way I don’t get 3pm blood sugar crash and have only the candy jar to keep me company. I also try to be food prepared for travel and unknown situations with fruit, string cheese and protein bars. I generally don’t like protein bars as meal replacements, but I’ve found that in airports, they are often the best choice. Protein bar…or personal pan pizza?
Exercise. I get some form of exercise every single day. Even if it is only a walk with the dog. I walk the dog every day. For at least a mile and half. Most days I do that, plus a 25 minute cardio or 25 minute toning workout in the employee workout room. Before that though, I went to the gym 5 days a week for a year. July to July. Before work…at 5:20am.

I didn’t post this to pat my self on the back, I posted it to make my self feel better. To bring to the forefront of my mind that I am a healthy, happy person, and that I have made huge and fantastic changes in my life that have truly benefitted me.
And all of those things are good, and it is ok, that even though I have lost 25 pounds I’ve only gone down 1 pants size. That I shouldn’t be jealous of the fact that a woman on the biggest loser weighs the same as me, and can wear a size 14. I posted it to remind myself that those numbers don’t matter. The only thing that matters is that I am the best I can be for me.

all pain...NO GAIN!

So, I had my dreaded Doctor's appointment yesterday. It actually went really well.
The doctor did comment on my weight loss, in fact it was the first thing she mentioned. "You've lost weight since last year, I think that is great."
I wasn't offended, because...I have lost weight since last year, and it is pretty great that I've taken control of my health.

She also asked me if I was getting enough calcium in my diet, and after I told her more normal calcium intake, she informed me that I definetly was NOT getting enough to told me to start taking supplements. I'll post later on that.

I did though, have to get a tetanus shot. I don't mind shots, and I'm not afraid of needles at all, but DAMN is my arm sore today. I don't remember my last tetanus shot hurting like this! Although, it was 10 years ago.
My arm obviously still hurts today, it feels like when you get a really great arm workout, and you are sore. Only I didn't get a really great arm workout, I got a shot. boooo.

Happy Earth Day!!

Hooray for Earth Day! I try to be a good steward of our Earth, but I know I could be just a bit better at this.
Scott and I started recycling when we moved down here a little less than a year ago (we didn't really recycle in college, bad us, I know). We only recycle aluminium and tin though....So my "Earth Day Resolution" is to have a mini recycling center in the garage of our new house (fingers crossed, we should be closing next Tuesday!) a bin for plastics, a bing for paper, and a bin for aluminum, and tin. We should be good at this, as my husband works for a recycling company! Maybe we would be better if he actually worked in the recycling aspect and not the management!

Ok, enough about Earth day. Today is also my weigh in day. This morning I was down two pounds from last week, which is still up one from my lowest weight in february. Apparently my body was ready for an exercise routine switch up! I think I'm going to stick with this new plan for a while.

I have an interesting lunch packed....hopefully I'll get some pictures before I devour it!

weights and measures.....

Happy Martin Luther King day! (or here in Idaho it's Idah Human Rights Day) Either way, it's a day of off work for me, gotta love that government job!

Here is my breakfast, 1 oatmeal pancake, with 3/4 of a banana mashed on top, a small handful of almond slivers, and 1/4 cup of milk. It was delicous.

I'm heading to work out now, and then I'll have a snack...and then i'm off to get my hair cut. I loooove getting my hair cut! After that, since i'll be downtown..i'm going to check out the Co-op. I'm hoping to find some great lunch there...

After that I'm heading to the mall. If I don't find decent lunch at the co-op, i'm going to look for something healthy in the mall (ha ha right? I look at is a challenge).

Then i'll be coming home to do some grocery shopping, and dinner preparing..and of course..catching up on blogs!

So, now that you know ALL about my day....I have exciting news to share...!

today was the day for me to take my measurements...and since August 10th 2007..I have lost 19.8 inches! Wowza. I'm trying to decide if I should set an "inches lost" goal...but I'm feeling as if that might be too obsessive.

My current stats are : 23 pounds and 19.8 inches.

Ok, well i'm off to the gym, I've never been at this time in the morning before..so we'll see how it is!

Can't wait to show you pictures of what I find at the co-op!

First New Camera Post!!

You'll have to excuse the layout of the pictures and food while I get the hang of how this thing automatically formats etc. But here they are pictures! Yay for pictures!

Post work out Breakfast at my desk. 1/2 cup oats with small handful almond slivers, cinnamon and a banana.

This morning pre-work out I had this piece of toast (Bread Lovers, Multi Grain, all natural-no HFCS) with 1 tsp of that peanut butter and 1/2 a tsp of jelly.

Today was also my weigh in day. And the scale said.....239.6! Down 23 pounds from my highest recorded weight!!! Don't get me wrong...i'm not obsessed with what the scale says..but it's interesting to watch what happens depending on the choices and changes one makes. :)

yippee!!

My camera comes today! I'm so super super super excited!!! I've been stalking it on UPS.com watching it come closer and closer. Its "out for delivery" in the town I live in now! Woot. my only drawback to not working where I live, is that there is NO way I can be home for the delivery. I really really really hope that they will just leave it on the step, even though it is kind of expensive. :S.

So hopefully, pictures of dinner tonight. (which I am ashamed to say, will be a Kashi frozen pizza with veggies) we have NO food, and we promised our selves we would go grocery shopping tonight after dinner. Ok we have food, but nothing to make a complete meal, and some heinous things like Rice-a-roni. Ick.

Last night we had a DELICOUS dinner. We copied Kath and her husband (www.katheats.com) and had black beans over sweet pototoes last night. Seriously...good. I did the sweet potatoes in the microwave, while those were cooking I dumped a can of black beans in a pot, with some chopped garlic, onions, nutmeg, tabasco, chili powder, a dash of salt. SOO GOOD. we also had brown rice on the side. We didn't have any butter, so I tried a little splash of olive oil with a pinch of salt...SO GOOD. Ok, enough about how great my dinner was.
But..it was.

And this morning, my oats have really held me. it's 11:05 and I haven't even felt like I needed a snack! I am having hot tea now (with a little skim milk). I think I might eat my veggies around 11:40, and then head to the pharm and the store..before coming back for leftovers for lunch.

Tomorrow is weigh in day....I'm pretty sure I'll see a loss. Slowly and surely the weight is coming off as I really focus on being healthy.

weighing in on lunch...and life

Well, I ended up going to the gorcery store and grabbbing a "chicken florentine" frozen meal by Kashi. I wish I worked closer to the co-op. There is a natural foods market here, in the town I work in, but they dont' have a salad bar or anything. :( .

At the grocery store, I got one more sweet potato for dinner tonight, my kashi meal, a little 1% milk for my tea and coffe (no more processed creamer for me!), and I found....individual plain yogurts! I could only find them in big containers at a different store this week, and I didn't want to purchase it until I could find some that I really like. They only had store brand..but man oh man was it good. A little sweeter than I remember plain yogurt being, so it might have had a little sugar added. but..very creamy and low fat to boot! I added a crumbled up Kashi TLC Toasted grains granola bar into it. the perfect ending to my lunch, and I only JUST got hungry. It's 3pm now. Usually I start getting hungry about 2:30-2:45. I would like to buy a bigger container and then take my yogurt in small tupperware, better for the environment. Now that i'm 100% sure that they dont' sell Fage in this area, I'm going for it.

Also, Weigh-in. Is Thursday. My old weigh in day was Tues. and I just can't quite break my self of this habit....so I weighed in this morning and I was down to 240! Minus 2 pounds. This could be due to eating less yesterday, or starting my period..but it is what inspired me to go to the gym....hard work is what makes us healthy!

weight/ exercise/ hunger

Today I did 25 minutes on the elliptical, 10 minutes on the bike and 5 minute on the stepmill. I'm debating about going to bodypump tomorrow morning, or doing 20 minutes of cardio and then some free weights on my own. Probably the routine from body by glamour.

My official weigh in day is Thursday. I think i'm probably still holding at 242. arg. I'm finding my self at cross roads with healthy eating, living, and weight loss. I'm a firm believer in Health at Every Size. I know that I will never weigh 120 pounds. Not ever, I'm not built to. And that is fine. I firmly want to believe that exercising and living healthy is all I need, and that my body will settle at the weight that it is supposed to. But, I really believe that is still 20-30 pounds less than I weigh now. All through college I bumped around between 210 and 220. I ate what I wanted, seriously, and I worked out regularly. I def. did not have a desk job (aside from that whole student part!). I want different habits now, I want to work out regurlary (which I've been going strong at since August), but I really want to have better nutrition. I want to learn about things that my body wants and needs, eating more vegetables and eating to live. I want to put good foods in my body.

I know that is ultimately my goal...Health. I just have to not get caught up on what the scale says.

And probably not eating 3 oatmeal cookies would help. I did calculate their nutrition value. I cookie is about 120 calories. Fab.

And I am charging my camera...lunch pictures here we come!

RANT RANT RANT

Oh my god. Seriously.
So, I am part of this website, buddyslim.com. I got turned on to the website by a friend. It's like myspace for people who want to lose weight. seriously, you have buddies, and leave eachother booster notes, and private message, and there is even a blogging section. The site also allows you to track your weight, BMI, food intake, and caloric output. I mostly like it for tracking my calorie INtake. It's really helping me put things in perspective, but I digress.
The blogging section, I read it, there are few people on there who are funny, witty, sarcastic, and even uplifting. But there are also people who insist on being rediculous. I recognize that no one else reads this blog, and that is fine, but I hope that I am not rediculous. Anyway, people talk about how much they ate, how much they lost, how they stumbled etc. and people leave them encouraging comments. It only took me a few weeks to realize that all the comments are generic, save a few. People pat eachother on the back for their rediculous diets, and unhealthy weight loss. There is this one woman who works at a weight loss center and has lost something stupid like 30 pounds in three weeks, and is currently on a juice cleanse. I am not even going to touch that.
Anyway, my current Rant is this: There is a woman, who clearly is not very well educated about nutrition and health (although her profile says that she has been seeing a nutrionist for a year) anyway, she has a 10 year old son, and she was talking about how he wants to lose weight. Oh god. I was that child and it made me so sad to hear that she wasn't upset that her boy was dieting, she was seeking advice on food for him to eat. HE is a 10 year old boy, he is still developing, dieting is just about the worst thing in the world. I'm all for people losing weight, and getting healthy, but doing in such a manner that your child then thinks they are fat and need to lose weight is awful. I hope that I never shame my children into feeling badly about their bodies. I want to raise them in a healthy, active way, but I want them to be ok with who they are. And first my husband and I need to be ok with who we are.

It was all I could do to not write a repsonse to this woman telling her to wake up and smell the coffe!

I am having a bad hair day, in my mind. I'm sure no one else, even notices or cares.
I weighed in this morning. I'm currently at 252 pounds. Offcially 8 pounds less then my heaviest recorded weight. Although, I'm thinking that I probably weighed more than that at some point before I started making an effort to be healthy.

I got to thinking about Children, of my own, that may or may not be in my future. I want to be healthy when I get pregnant. I want to be able to run during the first part of my pregnancy and take yoga during the second and last parts. I want to feed my kids healthy food, and have boxed macaroni be a thing of the past. And, for me to do those things, I need to be able to do them in my unpregnant body. (I thought I was pregnant yesterday, temporary mind lapse). Anyway, it got me to thinking about health again, well..lately i've always been thinking about health.

So I got to thinking about goals. I think these are my goals (at leat they are for now, I like to make my goals in chunks)
1. Run for 10 minutes with out stopping to walk
2. Eat only 1 refined sugar sort of substance a day
3. Become "mindful" or "intuitive" about eating. Eat when I am hungry, stop when I am full, give my body what it needs.
4. Have integrity about eating
5. Reduce my waist size by 2 more inches (current waist 40.5) I would like to eventually get to 35 inches.
6. Lost 10 percent of my body weight. This would total 26 pounds (from when I started). So 18 more pounds to go.
7. Make some girlfriends.

underneath it all...

I'm having a hard time reconciling wanting to lose weight and wanting to be healthy. I want to be smaller, and I want to be healthy, and I know for me, at this point those two things go hand in hand.

I did pretty well with my eating this weekend, even when that included a party. I was healthy and ate balanced meals all weekend, until yesterday. then I ate out twice, and didn't focus on my veggies, so it's super veggies for dinner tonight for sure.

When Tasha called and told me about the trip to Vegas, one of my really big reasons for wanting to go was to lose a bunch of weight first and then go and show off to all of my friends, and then I realized that the trip would be in 15 weeks, and in 15 weeks, I could possibly only lose 15 pounds. Or I could lose up to 30. 15 pounds, added to the 10 pounds i've already lost, would make for a total 0f 25, Or a weight of 238.And I weighed less than that in College, so I would still look bigger to them! But I wonder if I am working out and eating more healthy, If I would look different. Hmmm. And then I got to thinking, why does it matter, what do I have to prove by being skinny, what is that desire really about?

It's the same as going home to Reno and seeing people from highschool (although I am like 50 pounds heavier than highschool, so loosing weight really woudln't matter there) or seeing guys from college, like the boys or the football players.

Does one ever stop wanting to lose weight to show everyone else how amazing they can look? Or is it always secretly, at the end of the day about that?

Intuition

And it is Friday. Tomorrow is my 5k! The first that I have participated in since I was in sixth grade. Wow. I'm looking forward to it, I think our plan is to mostly walk. Maybe a little bit of jogging mixed in there.

So, I've been keeping up with my blog reading. Wow, there are just so many out there. Something i've recently stumbled upon are blogs about intuitive eating. I want to eat intuitively, not out of emotion. I want to eat when I am hungry and quit when I am full. I've also decided that I am "anti-diet." Yet "pro health and body and fitness." I want to be as good to my body as possible. Right now, I am at the point where weight loss is going to happen. I was so un-good to my body for so long, that, I can't but not lose weight. And nothing is off limits, if I want to eat nothing but full fat mayonaise, I am going to. But I like reduced fat mayonaise, and 100 calorie cakes. They aren't diet, they are just tiny. Hello portion control, I don't believe we have ever met.

Anyway, It's all very interesting.
My husband is out of town this weekend, and I want to make sure that I use this as a chance to cook myself healthy meals, and not just rely on fast food or cereal to get me through. Here are somethings that I want to buy:
Whole Grain Cereal
Brown Rice
Whole grain Waffles
frozen fruit
spinach
Whole Wheat pasta
and some other stuff.
I need some fresh veggies and fresh fruit as well
oooh! maybe some whole wheat english muffins, for peanut butter and bananas.
yummy.
I want to buy what my body wants.

In the past few weeks, I've really been paying attention to how different foods make me feel. I have noticed that when I eat a good balance of fresh, non processed foods, I feel better and not as bogged down. I don't deprive myself though ,sometimes a girl just needs a little Kraft Macaroni and Cheese!