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Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Long and Winding Road….

I work for a municipal parks and recreation department. In the summer we have weekly outdoor movies in one of our parks. We also run a concession stand during those movies selling soda, popcorn, candy, water and ice cream.

Well..because we operate the concession stand ourselves, at the end of the season, any leftover food is ours to keep. We try to sell it at a discounted rate to other city employees. This mostly works.

Well…Our special events person cleaned out the concession stand the other weekend, and this is what I was greeted with on Monday Morning.
This is literally 5 feet from my desk. I can see it.


And this, those boxes are butted up to the front of my desk. I can’t see them. Although it doesn’t matter. I don’t crave chips or salty treats. GIVE ME THE CANDY.

When I was in the midst of my eating disorder, this would have been a very very very bad situation for me. I would have grabbed for a candybar, not only when other people weren't looking, but I would have sneaked them as well. Surreptitiously grabbing one while no one was looking, or first thing in the morning before everyone got there. I never wanted to be seen as the fat girl who ate junk food.

And I would have eaten those candy bars in my car on my lunch break, or on the way home. If I was desperate (for what I don’t know) I would have crammed it in my mouth in the bathroom. And I wouldn’t have tasted it a bit.

But I haven’t touched these. Ok, that is a lie. I took a bag of fritos one day when my blood sugar was majorly crashing, due to poor snack/meal planning on my part. Not ideal, but it made it so I could drive home with out running off the road.

Anyway, there was a point in my life, when I didn’t think my behavior was that bad, bad as in detrimental to my health. When I didn’t think about the underlying reasons for bingeing on sweets.. And then came the point when I didn’t know how to stop bingeing. And now…I don’t binge, and I can recognize my “triggers” for binges, and I don’t eat boxes of candy anymore. And it’s a beautiful thing.

7 comments:

HangryPants said...

That is so cruel!

GroundedFitness said...

wow- i swear office life is the hugest detriment to a healthy lifestyle.

and when I was sick I would have done that too: stolen it all throughout the day....ran to the bathroom to stuff my face. The only difference is i would get rid of it afterwards. i used to feel so hopeless. now i would just take one (cuse Im human) and never give it a second thought.

Kelly Turner
www.groundedfitness.com

littlecalder said...

hooray for such progress! i'm glad that, as freud said, a candy bar is just a candy bar. or something like that..

Allison said...

Hangrypants-
I know right!

Kelly-just think how much easier it would be for people live the healthy lifestyle if their jobs weren't centered around sitting, and eating for every meeting and event.

Little Calder-Thanks for the support!

Southeast Fairfax Development Corp said...

congratulations - victory over a trigger food is huge!!!

*Kelly* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
*Kelly* said...

Story of my life! I know EXACTLY how those binges go...and of course, it HAS to be sweets. I'm dealing with the aspiring baker/chef brother who is currently taking a cake decorating class, and his homework is to bake at least 3 cakes a week. When he's done having them graded, they return to my house to sit in the kitchen and call out my name...

What is it about sugar that is as addictive as Heroin?