Friday, September 26, 2008

Sticks and Stones.....

Words hurt. Words hurt a lot, and they pain the leave doesn't go away like a bruise.

I think I may have posted about this before, maybe almost a year ago on "Love your Body Day" but it came up again.

My mom, is an incredible woman, she is strong, deteremined, organized, a fantastic cook and a great mother. She also spent all of my childhood overweight. When I graduated from Highschool, she got a gym membership and spent a year working out and saving up money to get a personal trainer. She's been working with her trainer for almost five years now. She has probably lost....oh I don't know...40 to 50 pounds (or something like that) in the past seven years. She looks great, and is in great shape. She ways less than I do, and probably always will. But she can't get over the fact that she hasn't lost "All of the weight." Now, I should say that when my family talks about being naturally big boned, and "dense" it's true. My mom was a "runner" (think Marathons and Half Marathons) when she was younger, and never weighed less than 165. So, that was forty years, and two kids ago. I think it's reasonable, to not weigh 165 again.

Anyway, this is all stemmed from an email I got from her today...she was telling me how she isn't feeling well and what she is doing this weekend. Her email ends with this..."Need to open one more file before I take my chubby body home."

The most painful thing my mother ever said to me? "Why don't you just walk your chubby little body over there and ask them." she was referring to something with the neighbors..I don't even remember. But I remember like it was yesterday what she said, where I was standing in the house and how it made me feel.

So....does my mom use that as a figure of speech? Like calling someone a big fat liar? I don't think so, I haven't ever heard her say it to my Dad (naturally skinny) or my brother (same). although..maybe she did say something along the lines like "Scrawny Little Body" or something to my brother, in which case....she would have been acknowledging the difference in our body types. I don't remember.
Anyway, if my mom were to say that to me now, I would probably say something, and tell her that it hurts my feelings, and makes me feel like she doesn't respect the fact that I am ok with my body, and that while I have my moments of self doubt, I've actively decided to love my body, and any size and weight, to practice Health at Every Size.

So the question is....Do I say something to her? Do I say that when she says that it makes me feel bad about my self, and tell her that I don't think self-depracting words are helpful for her? Or do I just let it go....cause she isn't receptive to these sorts of things.


GroundedFitness said...

wow- thats rough. the worst thing my mom ever said to me was "you're eating AGAIN?" i will never ever forget that. i dont know what I would do if someone said that to me.

you are a very strong girl. chin up.

Kelly Turner

Allison said...

Thanks Kelly!

Anonymous said...

I think that ultimately it comes down to this, how much do you need her to be what you want, and to give you what you want from her.

While on the one hand sorting out the feelings one has because of occaisions like that with parents can be enormously healing and ultimately soul reparing for both child and parent, sometimes all we end up with a crappy one sided discussion (which is ultimately more of a disagreement).
Discussions where we aren't listened to because our parents can be very resistant to any suggestion that they may be harming more than helping us.
Not because of anything other than the fact that they love us and want to care for us in the best way that they know.

I say do whatever feels the most right for you in any given moment and only keep in mind that our parents opinions though they feel enormously important, matter little more than that of the person who you walk by on the street and will never see again.

What you think is more important and I have to say I think from what i have read that what you think is inspiring, at least to me:)