CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

Monday, January 28, 2008

Still working on it...

Sigh..I was hungry at 2:15...I had a cup of tea and it occupied my mouth until 3:00pm. I was still hungry at 3pm..and I really had to pee (estimated at this point I had consumed 62 oz of water today, including tea) and then I ate my LARABAR. It was the first time I tasted the cinnamon roll flavor. Very good, not too sweet, which is nice. But..then my body wanted something sweet...ah...attack of the candy jar. I had this mini reeses crispy crunch bar. It was 90 calories. I guess I had the two snacks about an hour apart, and another 16 oz of water. So now i feel super full...and I'm trying not to feel guilty about the candy bar. I know, I know..guilt over food is not worth it and quickly leads to disordered thinking. I'm still trying to find the balance between not feeling guilty about eating things that I "want." and knowing that my body doesn't actually "want" a reeses crispy crunch bar..it wants a good whole food..or something that more readily resembles whole foods. damn...
I'm also afraid to not feel guilty about eating....not feeling guilty about eating is how I ended up with a binge eating disorder and 262 pounds. I didnt' feel guilty while I ate whole boxes of Girl Scout cookies....and I certainly didn't feel guilty while I ate super size hot pockets at 3 am when my husband got home from work (seriously, living next to a convenience store was just about the worst thing that happend to both of us) but I guess I have always felt some modicum of guilt afterwards.
Man....heading towards a healthy relationship with food is tough!

2 comments:

karen said...

Well said!

TC said...

have you ever read Intuitive Eating? It's a really great book. I had lots of problems with food/weight for a very long time and it REALLY helped me. I highly recommend at least googling it.