Thursday, September 27, 2007

what is this really

I'm going home to Reno tomorrow to pick up a car from my parents. I have lost (as previously stated) somewhere between 7-13 pounds since I last saw them. I guess that isn't true, I saw them in August, i've lost 6 pounds since i last saw them.

It is amazing how no one can ruin your self image, or boost it like your family. For my mom to say I look good, means so much to me. Why? It's a mother daughter thing, I think. I want so badly to have her approval, even now as an adult.

So, I've been thinking alot about what my body looks like an what I feel about it, due to the post your pictures at Elastic Waist.
I was noticing this morning at the gym, that I reallly like the way I look from the front, I think I have a nice curve shape, and my front is getting flatter, but from the side, Damn, that ass. It's not my ass really, its the shelf of fat above my ass. So, how do I reconcile with not loving that part of me. It holds up my jeans, and with out it, they would fall down. But in my mind, it's a fat person's ass, and not even a nice one, i would be fine if my entire ass was round and big and nice, but no, I have that square fat persons's ass.

So, in typing this i've come to some thoughts. I want to be healthy, and be at a weight that is comfortable and happy for my body. And this is not it. But I need to be patient as my body settles into that.
And I might always have that fat woman's ass.