Look before you leap

Oh man.
Lent is not going well.
I cut out dessert, and now all I think about is dessert. Seriously.
In the past year and half, since getting on this path to health, I’ve never restricted my self. I still ate pizza and desserts and chips and everything, but I did it in moderation, and I never really felt deprived.

I am feeling deprived. Seriously deprived. It’s all mental. And this is such age old ‘why diets don’t work” kind of stuff. Once you tell yourself you can’t have something, it is all you want, and you think about it, and your mind tricks your body into thinking it needs whatever is being withheld more than anything, and then you cave. And when you cave, you cave good. I do anyway. For the past month, as I’ve tried to retrain my focus on healthy eating habits, I’ve been having dessert probably about 3 times a week. And on the nights that I didn’t have it, I didn’t think about it too much.
But now…it’s bad.

And I’m a little scared.

Many of you know that I used to be a binger. I didn’t purge, just ate. And ate sugar. And I hid it. I have a distinct memory of taking a box of girl scout cookies out of our families stash and hiding it under my bed, and eating it in secrecy in like two days. The fact that I can now have an open box of cookies in my pantry and eat them like a normal person is a big step for me.
But, with this Lent deal..I find myself thinking about how I can sneak the food.
Uh oh.
Each month we celebrate the birthdays in our office with a cake during our once a month all staff meeting. Well…like I’ve said previously, the spirit of competition is high around here for the wellness competition, and when I didn’t have a piece of cake, my male co-workers (who are all on a team together) were ribbing me and trying to get me to eat a piece of cake.
I didn’t eat the cake, and when I sat back down at my desk, I seriously planned on how I could have a piece of cake, I would just have to sneak it so that no one would notice.

This is not good.
I did some thinking this afternoon, and I think I have to give up, giving up dessert foods for Lent. It triggers my binge eating/sneaking food behaviors. The most important thing in my healthy journey is learning to have a healthy relationship with food, and I can’t compromise that.

In the desert of dessert...

I remember in elementary school when a teacher was telling us about the difference in the spelling of Desert and Dessert. She said dessert has the double s because, we always want double or more dessert.

Boy howdy ain’t that the truth, at least for me. I can be full and satisfied from a meal, but offer me something sweet and I’m not going to pass it up. I often feel the “need” to finish my meal with a little something sweet. Ha, who am I kidding, I would love to end my meal with A LOT of something sweet. And that my friends, is my problem.
I totally think that having “dessert” each night is a fine thing to do, Jenna and Tina offer fabulous examples of this. My issue is that sugar triggers my body to want more sugar, which isn’t uncommon for people. So one of my challenges to myself this year is to find “desserts” that satisfy that sweet tooth, and don’t leave me wanting more.

Last week I really wanted a sweet, warm, carby baked good. But…I didn’t want to make a whole batch of cookies, cause I’ll eat them all, and some of the dough. So instead I made myself a small “dessert oatmeal” it had ¼ cup oats, 1 tsp brown sugar, and ½ tsp of Dark Chocolate Peanut butter. A little caloric, but eating the hot dessert, with a spoon, satisfied my need.

Last night I took a fruitier route….Broiled Grapefruit! We happened to have a grapefruit on it’s last days of goodness.

I cut it in half...
Sprinkled it with 1/2 tsp sugar (total over both halves) and a little pinch of brown sugar.

Popped it in the oven, under the broiler for 5 minutes (as per the directions in my Joy of Cooking Cook Book.) And..Voila!

Here is a secret..I’m a little bit afraid to broil things…I’m always afraid I’ll forget about them, and char what I’m cooking or burn the house down.

So…I didn’t let it broil as long as I should have I don’t think. But…it was good! I ate each little piece with a spoon and then had some of the juice.

I think one of the keys to dessert satisfaction for my mind is eating something warm with a spoon.

Also, look at this picture of my ring. Have you ever seen something so tragic? Not the ring..the picture. I don't have a great camera..and I also don't think I know how to use all of the functions properly either! After seeing Kath’s beautiful pictures from her new camera..I want one too! Time to start saving.