Look before you leap

Oh man.
Lent is not going well.
I cut out dessert, and now all I think about is dessert. Seriously.
In the past year and half, since getting on this path to health, I’ve never restricted my self. I still ate pizza and desserts and chips and everything, but I did it in moderation, and I never really felt deprived.

I am feeling deprived. Seriously deprived. It’s all mental. And this is such age old ‘why diets don’t work” kind of stuff. Once you tell yourself you can’t have something, it is all you want, and you think about it, and your mind tricks your body into thinking it needs whatever is being withheld more than anything, and then you cave. And when you cave, you cave good. I do anyway. For the past month, as I’ve tried to retrain my focus on healthy eating habits, I’ve been having dessert probably about 3 times a week. And on the nights that I didn’t have it, I didn’t think about it too much.
But now…it’s bad.

And I’m a little scared.

Many of you know that I used to be a binger. I didn’t purge, just ate. And ate sugar. And I hid it. I have a distinct memory of taking a box of girl scout cookies out of our families stash and hiding it under my bed, and eating it in secrecy in like two days. The fact that I can now have an open box of cookies in my pantry and eat them like a normal person is a big step for me.
But, with this Lent deal..I find myself thinking about how I can sneak the food.
Uh oh.
Each month we celebrate the birthdays in our office with a cake during our once a month all staff meeting. Well…like I’ve said previously, the spirit of competition is high around here for the wellness competition, and when I didn’t have a piece of cake, my male co-workers (who are all on a team together) were ribbing me and trying to get me to eat a piece of cake.
I didn’t eat the cake, and when I sat back down at my desk, I seriously planned on how I could have a piece of cake, I would just have to sneak it so that no one would notice.

This is not good.
I did some thinking this afternoon, and I think I have to give up, giving up dessert foods for Lent. It triggers my binge eating/sneaking food behaviors. The most important thing in my healthy journey is learning to have a healthy relationship with food, and I can’t compromise that.

I gave it up

So, I am giving something up for Lent. I don’t normally give things up for Lent. Infact, the whole practice of Lent wasn’t really ever a huge deal in my house growing up (it wasn’t stressed in my church, like it is in Catholic Churches).But, mostly I don’t give things up for Lent, because I never follow through.

I think it’s a similar affliction that I have with New Years Resolutions. I start out strong, and either forget about my resolution, or I fall of the wagon, and don’t hop back on again.

So, I hadn’t given much thought to giving up something for Lent, until my Husband announced a few weeks ago, that he is giving up Beer for lent. I thought he was kidding at first. He wasn’t. Beer is his chocolate. The man could go the rest of his life with out ever eating a dessert again, and he wouldn’t notice. But Beer? This is truly a sacrifice for him. Now, I’m making him sound like he is an alcoholic, he isn’t. He just enjoys a few beers on Fridays, and Saturdays. And Maybe a Tuesday.

Anyway….so I decided that I wanted to give up something to. I’m such a follower! I’ve thought and thought about this…and I thought of all the things I could give up that I probably do too much, or consume too much of, I could give up Facebook, I could give up gum, or coffee, or splenda (woops already did that, I haven’t had Splenda in a week! I don’t miss it really.). But really, none of those things would be a true sacrifice for me. A true sacrifice would be giving up desserts. Candy, Cookies, Ice Cream, Brownies, Cake, Pies….you get the idea. I have never given up sweets for Lent before, because I didn’t think I could do it.

Well…I know I can do it. It’s going to be hard. I think I will still eat “dessert” in that I will allow my self to have a small “treat” after dinner. But it can’t be any of the following items: candy, cookies, ice cream, brownies, cake, chocolate chips, etc. It can be; fruit, granola and yogurt, uh…fruit. Fruit. Fruit.

I am interested to see where this goes. I’m curious if it will add to my weight loss, or how it will make me feel.

Oh yeah, I should add…one thing I always do during Lent (and I’m better about this than the sacrifice thing) is to add something to my life that helps others. Like holding open the door for whoever is coming through it next, every time I go through a door. Or praying for a particular person for those forty days…..

Happy Friday Everyone!